Mandy Catto

Ask Alison

29.4.09

Having problems with your relationship? Ever wondered why a bloke can’t be more like a woman? Life would be so much simpler if they thought like us girls wouldn’t it? Unfortunately they can’t and even if they did, life would be dull and boring!

My name is Alison Tinsley and I’m a Coach, Image Consultant and Author.
‘Ask Alison’ is an opportunity to give your marriage a new leash of life. Each month I’ll be giving tips and advice on how to make your marriage more enjoyable, rewarding and definitely a lot more fun. With a blend of understanding, a spoonful of extra thought and a pinch of spice, a tired and routine marriage can be revitalised.

Do send in your questions and I’ll do my best to give a positive and proactive response. I’m not interested in complaints about hubby though. I will help YOU face your concerns so you can learn to become the change you wish to see. You cannot control what happens to you but you can control how you respond. Sounds a challenge doesn’t it? If you’re up for it send me your questions, the rewards are so worth it, as are you.

Alison’s April Tip:

A phrase which seems to be increasingly used is this ‘I don’t think I love him anymore, the feeling’s just not there.’

Sound familiar? If this is you then take action immediately. Danger lies ahead. Hollywood, the soaps and the media lead us to believe that love is only a feeling. More importantly, that we have no choice in how we feel towards our partner. In other words, we can only react to our husband according to the way we feel.

But hold on a minute, this isn’t right. If you believe that then you’ve been hoodwinked! I know we all want Richard Gere to turn up in his limousine and rescue us, as if we’re living in a scene from pretty Woman. But you’re not Julia Roberts and hubby dear isn’t a Hollywood movie star!

Here’s the good news, and it’s even better than watching it on a cinema screen. If you become proactive and turn love into a verb, a doing word, then anything is possible. See just how much you can love your husband by acts of kindness or showing grace when he messes up. It is entirely possible for the feeling of love to be recaptured when you bring your own emotions into line by choosing to act with love towards your husband. If you believe in marriage, work on becoming more proactive. Make love a doing word.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Alison x

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What are you doing for the Big Lunch on 19th July? Are you having a party in your street? It’s a Very AYL idea and it would be great if lots of Activators could be involved. Log on to www.thebiglunch.com and see the amazing website full of ideas and great reasons to be involved. Let’s use this space to share our ideas together.

So often we tend to think of organising events from scratch using our own ideas and resources. We threw out our plans for our own Girls Night Out event when we saw that our local theatre had booked the London Community Gospel Choir to come and do a one-off concert.Fantastic! I had heard the choir years before and knew that their blend of upbeat music, strong visual performance and gentle faith would have a wide appeal. The tickets were expensive so we contacted the theatre and negotiated a group discount, the theatre were delighted that we were palnning to bring a big group.

Then we went to our church leadership and asked that they subsidise the tickets further. We bought 50 tickets and emailed all of our regulars and anyone else who we felt might be interested. As always, we had a rush of keen girls who bought a few, then a complete lull when we thought we would be seriously out of pocket with lots of unused tickets! We contacted the choir and asked that one of them could come after the show and chat to us and the director Bazil said that he would. We then sent out a reminder email with this new information and an invite to meet at the next door pub for a drink before the show. This brought the ticket sales up a little. The week before is always a flurry of phone and text messages with people needing extra tickets just as often as others are cancelling.It always brings us to a point of desperation where the only choice is to hand the whole evening over to God, wondering why we hadn’t done it earlier!
On the night about 20 of us gathered in the pub for a drink then made our way over to the theatre where another 37 were ready to go in. The tickets, money and seating worked out perfectly just as the curtain raised.
The choir were amazing, uplifting and fun with a strong worship thread. There was lots of audience participation and I noticed that my nonchurched guests were the first on their feet to join in. At half time loads of people queued for cds and a chance to chat to the choir members.
When the performance ended Bazil came up to the balcony and spoke to our assembled group for a few extra minutes, sharing some of his own faith story with humour and no jargon – just perfect!
One of the best nights we have had as a group, with very little effort and supporting our local community theatre too!
Look out for the LCGChoir on their tour of small theatres,www.lcgc.org.uk or maybe other choirs and similar theatre groups that you could tap into. Sometimes we don’t have to invent the wheel all by ourselves – keep your eyes open for what the local community is already doing.